A Lovely Chat
by TheDragonLover
Summary: Don't you think Eggman needs some tips on how to be a villian? Doesn't Knuckles need some help with his people skills? And what about Shadow and his gun fetish? Well, I've finally decided to swoop in and give them all advice they don't want to hear! Humor


_Finally, Eggman getting the talk he deserves! I've decided that some of the Sonic Crew needs a talk as well, and I've now made it into a series of chapters all connected by one thing: me! (grins and winks) Yes, folks, I'm making a bunch of appearances in here! I mean, I'm sorta a cat, but I didn't feel like being a human when I'm going to be hanging out with a bunch of anthropomorphic creatures and _one_ – I repeat, _one _– human as well. Besides, cats are cooler! (sticks tongue out) So there!_

_Alright, enough rambling! On to the story!_

_(Note: Trying to title these all with at least one word that starts with 'F', i.e. 'Flaws' and 'Too Fast'. Help me think of some, please!)_

* * *

**Eggman**

Flaws

* * *

"Hoho! I've got you now, Sonic!" The rather tall and portly human laughed his evil (and embarrassing) chortle as he watched the blue hedgehog on the screen. "When you come to save the small animals, I'll trap you and destroy you once and for all!" He was, indeed, in the middle of another scheme that would – supposedly – get rid of that troublesome pest, but then an unexpected voice from behind him stopped him in his already triumphant gloating.

"Hey, who're _you_ calling small, Eggy?"

"Hm?" Eggman turned in his chair and swiveled around to look at a black cat sitting in one of the cages with her legs crossed, looking rather peeved by his comment as she scratched her cheek with a claw – it was strange that she had no gloves in the first place, but she also had claws instead of normal fingernails. She had on a pair of jeans and a dark maroon shirt that was a bit baggy on her, and she looked as if she was just picked off of the streets and plopped into his base. He frowned, trying to remember when he had caught a giant cat instead of putting a handful of small animals in that cage, but he couldn't and so he just waved it off and grinned evilly at the feline. Her dark brown eyes watched him, not in fear, but in curiosity, which angered him slightly but caused his confidence to grow.

"_You,_ my unexpected feline friend," he pointed at the screen, "are going to be the bait to lure in the rat! I will capture him when he comes to save you and the small animals, and then I will destroy him!" He slammed his fist onto his palm in demonstration, grinning with triumph as he could already see Robotopia being built in his mind. Everyone in the world would be his minions or obliterated, and no one would be able to stand in his way! He snapped out of his daydreaming, however, when he heard the disappointed 'tsk'ing of the feline before him, and looked at her to see that she was shaking her head and sighing. He frowned, wondering what was up with this unafraid cat, and said, "What, you don't think I could do it?"

"It's not that, Eggy…it's just…" She put her elbow through the bars to land on one of his robot guards' heads so she could rest her chin in her palm, and she sighed and mumbled, "Haven't you already tried that?" She looked positively bored by the prospect of his plan, and after getting angry at that he pondered her words.

"Well…" Eggman scratched the tip of his nose in thought. "…Yes, but this time it'll work! I've –"

"What, you added a bunch of ninja robots or something?" (He discreetly glanced at the screen where said robots were lying in wait, hanging on the ceiling above the entrance to his base) She rolled her eyes and said, "Seriously, Eggy, you haven't been anywhere near successful before, so what makes you think it'll work _this_ time?" Then, after a moment of thought, she closed her eyes and told him, "Maybe you should be a wedding planner or something – I mean, weddings never go as planned, so perhaps you won't get blamed for it…"

"Stop this nonsense!" He pounded his fist on a control panel, roaring, "I am Dr. Robotnik, and one day I will rule the world!" He wouldn't take ridicule from Sonic and his pals, and he certainly wouldn't take it from this random cat that decided to chat with _him,_ the greatest mastermind of the universe!

The feline opened an eye and mumbled, "Haven't you said that, too?"

He opened his mouth to retort, but found he couldn't find a thing to say – she was right.

"And besides, it just means that today isn't your day." She got up and stretched, as if getting ready to leave. "After all, Sonic is almost here." She stretched her arms high above her head, yawning much like a feline would as she smacked her lips in content and scratched her stomach as if it was being annoyed by an itch.

"Forget that annoying pest," he muttered, his eyes narrowed at her, "where did _you_ come from? I certainly don't remember capturing _you_ as bait."

"Well, Eggy," she grinned and slipped between the bars with ease so that she was hanging upside-down with her feet hanging onto the edge to keep her from falling, "let's just say I was captured of my own free will." She then flipped back up and went back into the cage to lean against the bars and grin at his surprised look. She then teased, "What, cat got your tongue?"

Shaking his head and deciding not to ask her why she was there if she could just escape (_Maybe she doesn't want to get hassled by my robots or something…_), he then inquired, "What's your name?"

Still grinning at him, she scratched the back of her head and said, "Well, just call me 'DL', Eggy."

He raised an eyebrow, repeating slowly, "'D L'?"

She nodded, explaining, "DL stands for 'Dragon Lover'. I love dragons." She then closed her eyes as a fond look came across her face. "They're so awesome…"

"Err…" He scratched the top of his bald head, a bit puzzled by this fearless feline, before he crossed his arms and stared at her. He then carefully inquired, "So, you think my plans need work?"

"Yep!" She opened her eyes to grin at him once more, and he was starting to get annoyed because it reminded him so much of that blue hedgehog. "_First_ of all, you always expect him to just waltz right into the trap. Believe it or not, he _does_ have a brain." He pondered over that fact as she started to pace with her hands behind her back, continuing, "You can't always rely on him to come rescue someone, either. After all, he knows you're gonna pull something if you're trying to lure him over with some DiD."

"What?"

She stopped and waved an arm at the small animals in cages beside him, explaining, "Damsel in Distress."

"Oh…"

"Also," she continued her pacing around in the cage, "you don't take the right precautions before carrying out your plans." She looked at him as she turned around and went the other way in her confined space. "Did you bother thinking of some scenarios _other_ than you winning? Any back-up plans? Hidden traps in case he escapes?"

"Uhh…"

"I'll take that as a 'no,' then." She sighed and shook her head, as if disappointed. "Really, Eggy, you have way too many flaws that you just overlook in exchange to see the 'brilliance' of your plan."

"But it _is_ brilliant!"

"It _could_ be," she raised a finger as if she was a mother scolding her child, and then took out a paper that mysteriously looked like the blueprints to one of his newest machines, and she read aloud, "Let's see, not too fast…weak joints…has an obvious weakness sitting on the front of the machine…and not bounce-proof." She waved it at him and said matter-of-factly, "He's got ya beat already!"

She let go of the paper and let it drift over to him on some invisible wind, and he caught it quickly and looked at it, stammering, "W-wait, how did you…?" Then, he stood up from his chair and pointed at her angrily, "I've had enough of this! I will _not_ be talked _down_ upon by someone _shorter_ than me!"

"_Hey!_" She crossed her arms and scowled at him, looking rather offended by the 'size' comment. "Just because of the fact that I'm small doesn't mean you have the right to exploit it, dammit!"

Eggman grinned and countered, "I'm just using available resources."

After a moment of glaring, she sighed and looked down at the bottom of the cage, muttering, "Damn, you sound so much like a friend of mine…bastard." After a little bit more muttering of this so called 'friend' she straightened up with her fists clenched and shouted, "Besides, I'm just giving you advice! And you _need_ it!"

"No, I don't!" The doctor sat back down in his chair and turned it back to the screen, where he could see the ninja robots dealing with Sonic in a terrible fashion – like the cat had said. He gritted his teeth as he heard her airy laugh and her comment, "Oh, _really?_"

Grinding his teeth in the most uncomfortable way possible, he responded, "_Yes_, really." He frowned when he heard her laugh at that and a strange sound started to emit from behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder to see her tapping on the top of one of his robot guards as it turned its glowing red eye to glare at her in what it hoped was a scary glower. She had a playful smirk on her face that the robot didn't appreciate, and it tried to swat at her with its metal arm, but she just dodged it with ease by slipping back behind the bars and taunting, "Bad Roy! No nuts and bolts for you!" He tried to be as intimidating as possible, but she just laughed and patted it on the head twice before telling Eggman, "He's my favorite. Can I keep him?"

He just grunted and went back to looking at the screen, but he was shocked that he couldn't find the blue hedgehog anywhere on his cameras – in fact, most of them were out of commission. He growled as he realized that the cat had distracted him from Sonic, and he whipped around in his chair only to find her humming to herself as she hung upside-down out of the cage again, looking like she was having fun being there and tormenting the doctor. He got even angrier and stood up once more, yelling, "Stop this nonsense, cat! I _demand_ you to desist in your antics and remain quiet like a _good_ little kitty!"

Despite his roaring anger, she only managed to laugh at him so hard that she fell off of the cage, and as she rolled around on the floor she gasped between her guffaws, "You said _'kitty'!_"

Eggman sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to intimidate her no matter what, and simply ordered 'Roy' to throw her back in the cage as she continued to laugh at his expense. As he set his elbow on the control panel and grunted his frustration with the cat, he spied Sonic jumping down from a ventilation shaft that he just realized would lead him right to the main room. He put that as another mistake he'd have to fix on his 'brilliant' plan as he waved his hand at the cages with DL and the small animals, mumbling, "Just take the damn animals and leave! I'm not in the mood."

Sonic looked at him as if he had just said that he was a pretty little princess, and then shrugged it off as the result from failure once again to stop him as he turned to the cages and raised an eyebrow at the feline staring at him with a goofy-looking grin on her face. He commented to the doctor, "A new victim?"

Eggman snorted. "I _wish._ Just _please,_ _**take**_ her and _go._" He then pressed a button to send out the medic droids to fix his robots, already planning on how he was going to make his plan better. He mused as the hedgehog sliced open the cage, _well, at least that cat gave me _something_ useful: motivation._ Then, he watched the hedgehog leave with the feline in tow and told him, "You won't be so lucky _next_ time, Sonic! Be prepared, for I will be better than ever!"

Before he was completely gone, the doctor could hear the feline shout out, "Bye, Roy! See ya next time!"

Eggman just sighed as the robot gulped in fright.

* * *

"What was his problem?" Sonic grumbled under his breath as he carried the strange cat in his arms, for she simply wasn't fast enough to keep up with him and he didn't feel like having to go any slower than possible.

The feline, however, just smiled up at him, an almost mischievous glint in her eyes. "Oh, he was probably just noticing some…flaws…in his plan."

The blue hero looked down at her oddly, but she just shrugged, and he sighed and revved up his feet some more, ready to get back home and eat those hotdogs that Knuckles was probably only just now taking off the grill.

* * *

_Yes, this is mostly humor, but it's got some sense in it, doesn't it? So, I will drive everyone nuts with advice they really don't want to hear, and it'll all start with Sonic! Oh, this'll be fun! (snickers mischievously)_

_Shadowpaw: Hey, umm, how come you're a black cat? I mean, people might mistake you for me!_

_DL: Oh, don't worry about it, Shadowpaw – in this story, they haven't even heard of you!_

_Shadowpaw: Oh…alright then. (looks a bit annoyed about something)_

_DL: (rolls eyes) But I'll mention you in there somewhere, I'm sure._

_Shadowpaw: (gets noticeably brighter) Okay!_

_DL: Oh, and, umm, a late disclaimer – Shadowpaw, the sign, please._

_Shadowpaw: (sighs) Here. (sets up sign and they both walk off to get some coffee)_

_Sign:_ _Sonic and the rest belong to Sonic Team, not DL – she is only borrowing them for her plot and her pleasure. (and scribbled in the corner) She also doesn't own any movie, game, or song references._

* * *

Lots of dragon-y love!  
DL ('Dragon Lover')


End file.
